Communication That Takes On a Life of its Own.
(Excerpted from the book: Handling Verbal Confrontation)
by Dr. Robert V. Gerard
We know that interpersonal communication involves interaction between at least two people. But do you know that a higher and more sophisticated level of communication exists? I term this "Authentic Communication."
The benefits of Authentic Communication are many. When used by sales people, it shines forth authenticity, which is the backbone of building relationships with customers. When used in therapy, the subtle energies expressed reveal whether or not clients are speaking their truth. And in every interaction, what is said earns respect and radiates confidence.
Authentic Communication means that your total-self, your mind, body, spirit, and soul is participating when you are speaking. By “Total-Self,” I mean all aspects of your self including your soul or spirit and your subconscious mind. It’s beyond rational thought, and includes intuitive dialogue that is generated from the total-self perspective.
Authentic Communication means speaking from your HEART, from the highest regions of the mind and from the depths of the soul. There’s nothing hidden, everything is expressed!
When you speak authentically, your voice tone and bodily vibration carries a sustaining vibration that the listener more readily accepts. When a person does not speak well, people tend to pull away and not take that person too seriously. Authentic Communication implies that what is being said flows from the speaker as sincere and complete. In turn, what the listener hears is more completely received. Authentic Communication is a relationship building process and we need to always know with whom we are associating.
What does Authentic Communication feel like? When you speak in this state, both your “intellectual mind” (the mental aspect) and your “emotional mind” (the heart-felt aspect) are more in balance. You are not speaking either rationally or emotionally, but combining both. By combining these two centers, a third or composite voice is manifested. It’s like hearing music with headphones on rather than in a large room with speakers. With headphones, the music surrounds you and fills the entire audio space, whereas with speakers, you are apart from the music and can be distracted by noise.
In a balanced state, intuition improves, and you will feel what is true to you. If you say something that is not true to you, you will feel a hesitation or a discomfort. When you speak authentically, you are saying what is intuitively true in the moment, as you perceive it to be. Bear in mind, it doesn’t matter if what you are saying is true or not, right or wrong. What is important is being authentic, as you perceive yourself to be.
Speaking accurately also means that your left-brain intellectual function and your right-brain intuitive function are in balance with each other, and in balance with your emotional heart-mind. These three form what I term the Personal Human Trinity.
When you speak at the Personal Human Trinity level, you resonate with conviction, confidence, and wisdom. According to Dr. Victor Beasley, author of Intuition By Design, it’s at this point where you are using the “Intelligence of the Heart,” that is, “intuition and intellect bonded in a blissful marriage within one’s own consciousness.” It is here that the listener can discern the level of integrity and wisdom behind what the speaker is saying.
When the Personal Human Trinity exists within both the speaker and the listener during a dialog, the relationship is in balance and carries its own identity or Relational Human Trinity. This is when dialogue and true understanding flourish. Both speaker and listener are in balance and the relationship strengthens.
The benefits of the Relational Human Trinity are profound. It brings authenticity and integrity into the relationship, and fosters growth and openness. A “Win-Win-Win” condition exists in which the speaker, the listener, and the relationship succeed, with accuracy and intuition at their peaks.
Speaking and listening accurately are key attributes for those dedicated to self-mastery and human development. Our world and our relationships depend on how we communicate with others, and it's imperative to present yourself accurately and authentically to the best of your potential.
To help you become an Authentic Communicator, I’ve listed twelve basic steps from my book, Handling Verbal Confrontation. The more you practice each step, the better the outcome. You’ll feel more confident because you are bringing respect into the communication process. And when you do this, the relationship flourishes.
Practice each step until you have embedded it into your normal communication routine, and you will have a life-long skill.
1. Desire and Visualize what you want to say —envision your desire in picture form with as much detail as possible, including the desired outcome.
2. Set your Intent — what exactly is your intent? (E.g. “I desire to speak from the core of my heart, to express my love to you.”)
3. Expand your Consciousness — this important step connects you to your “higher-self” and ensures balance in what you will communicate into the relationship. To do this, take a deep breath, center and feel your essence, then raise your consciousness at least three feet above your head.
4. Do not prejudge the conversation or the outcome — do not put expectations or rationale onto the potential of the conversation. Instead, formulate what would be beneficial to the conversation and stay focused on that.
5. Center yourself to open up to your own intuition — intuition could be said to be: “knowing something previously unknown, and knowing that it is now known.” When in balance, permit intuition to flow through you as if your higher self was doing the talking.
6. Stay focused in the “now” to enhance your perception of the transmission — stay focused and permit your senses to assist you. Reading nonverbal signals and facial expressions heighten your perceptive powers and help you better understand what is being transmitted and received.
7. Ascertain that the receiver has granted you attention — it’s best to have 100% attention from the receiver before proceeding with any conversation. The less attentive the receiver, the more will be lost in the dialogue.
8. Be precise with your wording — extra words only add extra noise to interpret. Keep it simple and clear.
9. Feel that what is being said comes from your “heart” — when it comes from the heart, it feels sincere and reflects your total being. If it comes solely from the intellect, it could be cold and without compassion.
10. Listen attentively to yourself as you speak each word — reaffirm that what you are saying is necessary to sustain your intent. Make sure that what you say respectfully gets the point across.
11. Receive acknowledgment that you been correctly understood — make sure the listener understood you. Look for a response that assures you that you are both talking the same talk.
12. Self-confirm that your intent, communicated and acknowledged, has been manifested and is now complete — once the dialogue has been completed, verify that your intent has been properly conveyed and addressed. Your conversation is now complete. Feel balanced and sense your wholeness. Feel joy!
In summary, Authentic Communication means balance with our mind, intellect, and heart. It is intuitively driven, resonates authenticity, and provides opportunity for wisdom to shine forth. Both speaker and listener can apply these skills, and in so doing, they can create their own Personal Human Trinity. Once accomplished, the relationship becomes its own entity and thus forms a Relational Human Trinity. As each of us experiences speaking accurately, we find that it also applies to listening. Relationships based on Authentic Communication serve to build higher components of self-mastery.
Dr. Robert V. Gerard
Author Bio :
In 1994, Dr. Gerard founded Oughten House Foundation a worldwide educational and publishing company concentrating on self-empowerment, enlightenment, and philosophical topics. He offers workshops worldwide. Internationally published in 12 languages, Gerard has written 10 books including: Handling Verbal Confrontation, Change Your DNA, Change Your Life!, Lady from Atlantis, Divine Quick-Fix Healings, ICON Power For KIDS, The Health Acceleration Kit for My Pet’s Mind, Body and Soul, Hands of Peace, and has published numerous articles. Private E-mail: Gerard.OHi@stny.rr.com; www.oughten-house.com