Many people appear to inflict serious damage upon themselves with their inner dialogues. When we learn to break down our inner dialogues and to deconstruct our inner actors and their well-rehearsed scripts we learn how to abate and to heal the damage we have done to our own lives with them.|
It would seem that nearly all people engage in inner dialogues. Our inner dialogues are a natural part of the interior worlds of our minds.
Our minds have evolved to anticipate the needs of other people as well as ourselves; we perform these miracles of anticipation by modeling our future behavior in our minds.
We construct inner actors in our thoughts that represent people we know or anticipate meeting. We give our inner actors scripts, the things we expect them to say, and then we rehearse how we will behave with them, we rehearse what we will say to them.
This is completely normal cognitive behavior, however, normal does not mean it is always healthy.
All too often, we learn to direct our inner dialogues against ourselves, we learn to hurt ourselves with our inner dialogues. Many of us trap ourselves in repetitive cycles of mental and emotional behavior in which we have learned to vilify ourselves routinely with a constant barrage of self-castigation
The process of learning to flagellate ourselves with our own inner dialogues is a subtle, gradual process. There is rarely a dramatic change to help us notice that our thoughts and emotions are gradually becoming more hostile to ourselves.
Self-damaging inner dialogues creep into existence within our minds, and once they have established themselves, they do incredible harm, as well as becoming so deeply entrenched, so deeply engrained into our habitual cognitive behavior, that we may have no idea how to free ourselves from our own inner malice directed against ourselves.
Many people behave as if they feel very ashamed of the things they secretly berate themselves for inside themselves.
Many more people mistakenly assume that the voices of their inner dialogues are telling them the truth about themselves as other people really see them. It is very easy for all of us to confuse the actors of our constructed inner dialogues with the real people our inner actors are meant to represent. We may mistakenly transfer the veracity of real people to our constructed inner actors.
This process can make our inner actors seem more real to us than the real people they represent. This process makes it increasingly difficult to distinguish the differences.
Many people seem too timid to admit to anyone other than themselves that they have such deeply damaging inner dialogues within themselves. Denial of our inner dialogues seems to be the order of the day for all too many people.
If we are able to admit to the existence of our critical inner dialogues within ourselves we may begin to challenge what our inner voices tell us. We may begin to rewrite the scripts of our inner dialogues and to stage the actors of our inner dramas to help us to heal ourselves.
One problem with the insidious encroachment of damaging inner dialogues is that many people develop a deep sense of shame about themselves. An inner sense of shame about ourselves tends to motivate us to become increasingly socially isolated.
As many people’s social isolation increases, two important, related things happen. They get fewer reality checks, and they experience higher levels of stress due to cognitive dissonance, both of which contribute to making their problems worse.
We experience cognitive dissonance when someone whom we habitually cast in a critical role in our inner dialogues compliments us.
The critical voice of our inner dialogue does not agree with their real compliment, so their compliment makes us feel uneasy. This cognitive dissonance can motivate us to push the real person away from us, a result that is the typically the opposite of what their compliment was intended to achieve.
This is a reality check, however, we disregard the compliment because the compliment is taken to be less real to us than our critical inner voices have become. Consequently, we find we cannot believe compliments from people whom we habitually direct to criticize us in our inner dialogues, even when their compliments are entirely sincere.
Most people appear to become well established in their hostility towards themselves at early ages. Our damaging inner dialogues are a major component of our teenage angst.
By adulthood, we acquire a sense that our damaging inner dialogues are normal. We may fail to challenge many of our own false assumptions about ourselves that limit us and hurt us. We personify many of our self-limiting, damaging judgments and beliefs against ourselves in the roles of our inner actors and then mistakenly believe that they are true beliefs because we mistakenly believe they are the real beliefs of real people.
We fail to understand that our models of other people in our minds are not the people they represent; we may never learn that the real people they represent hold us in a much higher regard than we can imagine for them within our own minds.
When we learn to challenge our own inner dialogues, we can learn to interrupt the habituated, repetitive inner dialogues that damage our regard for ourselves, and that limit our lives with fear and shame.
Deconstructing our inner dialogues can take time. A reliable method for deconstructing damaging inner dialogues is called NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP is an effective way to establish healthier inner dialogues.
Another good technique that helps to mitigate damaging inner dialogues quickly is to practice four simple principles.
One: Always do your best to love yourself and other people 100% unconditionally.
Two: Always strive to be completely compassionate towards all other people, as well as towards yourself.
Three: Always remember to nurture yourself and all other people regularly and well.
Four: Always show sincere respect to yourself and to all other people at all times.
These four simple principles can transform everything you do to hurt yourself with your own inner dialogues into ways to support yourself, into ways to heal yourself, and into ways to help you help heal the lives of everyone you love.
Author Bio :
Greg Gourdian is part of a collective being, we are composed of many entities participating in a psychic network.
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