Many masters and religions say that sexuality is an obstacle to the spiritual path. Others say that sexuality could be a vehicle to the spiritual path because it helps to understand union. There are many different opinions and concepts surrounding this very important theme, especially in the western world. Since the advent of Neo-Tantra, sexuality and spirituality have become a central theme to what is considered to be spiritual, or pseudo-spiritual practice. I work with thousands of people around the world who constantly ask me questions related to these matters because it seems to be very important, for some reason.|
This experience has shown me that sexuality is a game for most people. It is not true sexuality as I understand it nor is it as the ancient people who spoke about it such as the Tantra masters or other spiritual masters such as Jesus Christ. The Catholic church will say that this has nothing to do with Christianity but I believe that Jesus was a very sexual person and I also believe that he had a very beautiful girlfriend. I would even think that she was extremely good looking and very well versed in the arts of sexuality, because in Egypt, where I believe she had spent some time, they spoke about such things. Not only did they speak or write about them, but they actually put them into practice.
From that perspective, sexuality is a very interesting topic, but from the perspective of our society, sexuality is seen as another game, as an extension of the ego. It comes from a lack of self-esteem and a sense of loneliness where one wallows in the desire of finding someone. The opposite also holds true when for example some people are unable to be with a partner for more than a week and hop from person to person. Sexuality then becomes an extension of power but it comes from a space which is totally different than the space of the heart.
The ego will find all sorts of tools to utilise and one of the most powerful ones to enter a control mechanism of how to deal with the present moment, of how to deal with life as an experience, is sexuality. In our modern world, sexuality is very much utilised in this way because we have forgotten its true meaning. For most people, the meaning of sexuality is not union. Union just happens to be a nice outcome of it.
I have worked in spiritual camps by the beach where everyone is dressed up in lovely Indian flowing clothes - or lack of them - and this has very interesting reactions in the men and women that are there. The whole situation becomes one full of beautiful people walking around and the mind wanders off into imaginary scenarios which have nothing to do with union. It is all coming out of desire.
In our society, sexuality is based on desire. It is a desirable thing to be in relationship. It is a desirable thing to be in connection with someone who is beautiful and who fulfils emotional parts that make you feel happy, joyful, ecstatic, infatuated or whatever the feeling is at that time.
Union is very different. If we go back and look at a different reference point, at the ancient ways of looking at sexuality, then we can see the very strange reference point that we are creating about sexuality nowadays.
In relationships, most people are so afraid that there actually is no relationship. What they are relating to is very narcissistic because they are only relating to parts of themselves. They never see their partner. There is no sexuality because to be practising sexuality in a complete and truthful way, you need to understand the opposites. You need to be aware that your partner is not just a reflection or a projection of yourself. You need to see your partner as he or she is. This is what Jesus and his wonderful girlfriend did, they created this space of sacred union and the way they did this was actually not in a very physical way.
In the beginning it was very much related to the energy that is behind sexuality. This is the same as the space that relates to intention. The energy behind sexuality is the space that you can hold with consciousness and that of course gets disturbed by desire or by lack of truth. To hold this space in a conscious way means that you really have to be open and intimate. Completely open.
For most people this is not what happens. There is some part of you that holds back and I think that this is more the case in women. Men usually just blunder along and don"t really understand what is going on, but women have this sense of being communicated to in a non-truthful manner so they don"t open up. They close in a way that has happened for so many thousands of years that there is deeply ingrained sense of helplessness. Many of them have asked me, “How can I do this? How can I open up when all parts of me, my mind, my emotions, my energy, my being, my reference point, say that to do this means that I may suffer and be in the deepest pain?”.
The same pain that the Church and society have successfully created an idea about. Even fairy tales and children"s stories have created an expectation of this pain. Now how can a woman allow such openness to happen? In no way am I saying that this is the fault of the feminine aspect. What I am saying is that it is a problem that is mostly experienced by women because the feminine aspect is what is activated during sexuality.
It is easy to forget this part of yourself when you are going to work or doing all other masculine aspects of life, because the feminine is not that useful in those activities. But in sexuality, the feminine is an essential part for raising the energy - the Kundalini life-force - to a sense of aliveness, and there is always a disappointment if this aliveness is not there.
And it happens. It doesn"t happen because of the man or because of the woman, but mainly because of our fear of opening up to intimacy, behind which the primary creative force is actually the woman, in the sense that the feminine is the first step that needs to be manifested.
I believe the mystical people in Egypt practised and taught this to Jesus" girlfriend. They taught her that there were many specific things that had to be done in order to open up the energy so that this energy flows in a way that is truthful. Truthful for the feminine aspect of the woman but also truthful so that this feminine aspect moves and touches the masculine aspect that is both external and internal to her.
The external aspect to her would be the Jesus consciousness manifested in the man for example, whose mission was not one of desire. He was not hoarding gold away in a secret cave in case of a rainy day... His work was to be of selfless service to all and to be totally open so that the energy flowing from the masculine aspect of himself would be shared by everything and everyone. His work was a sharing of this masculine feeling that, rather than focussing in some specific direction of desire, control or ego, was a profound and total sharing. That sharing is only invited, however, when the feminine energy trusts; when it is able to touch in such a way that the masculine energy can express itself through sharing.
This is why Jesus was important, but the feminine aspect behind Jesus was just as vitally important. This aspect was manifested in two ways. It was manifested in the feminine principle, his girlfriend, but it was also manifest in the internal feminine principle, which is the flow of the divine inside of the heart.
When you have both the external and the internal focused in this direction, trusting, opening up and not being afraid of the outcome, then that creates the space that allows intention to manifest in a very powerful way. It can manifest in a sexual way so that sexuality becomes sacred or it can manifest in a way that the masculine energy touches people because it comes from that space of flow.
This is why I believe that the Pope and the institutions that form the Christian dogma controlled – and still do - this feminine aspect to such a degree that they have managed to disable this sense of control from being moved in any way. They want to maintain a sense of, “We don"t want to go there because it is too chaotic”.
Sexuality is always chaotic because it is a step into the unknown. It is a step into the space where the future is not already understood nor comprehended, and the past has nothing to do with anything that is going on in the present moment. It is a total surrender to the present moment.
On the physical level, the body has to surrender to this present moment. This means that the memories in the body of past pain cannot come and influence this present moment. If the body communicates in a negative way and contracts, “No I don"t go there because I don"t trust”, then that stops the emotional, energetical and mental flow. This is also the case when it comes to emotions. If your emotions say, “No, I can"t go there because I don"t trust you enough, I have to check you out first”, then you end up checking things out for the rest of your life because you are not trusting the moment.
This is what Christian institutions have happily celebrated. People don"t trust the moment and then, just like the American government today, they can control you. They can create reference points that are so alien from what Jesus was speaking about, from what he was trying to understand in union with the people around him, that it carries on the same suffering paradigm that we have been living through for thousands of years. This is why meditation is so important to practice.
This meditation comes from ancient Egypt. I call it a meditation, but some people would simply say an exercise in awareness, which for me is the same thing. It comes from the time where there was a group of people that some people called secret. I don"t actually believe they were secret. They were wanting to share their knowledge but most people just didn"t understand what they were sharing. These people shared this meditation and asked the people who really wanted to understand sexuality to put this meditation into practice to bring light - internal light - outwards, so that it is reflecting everything inside of yourself, of your body, of your physical cells, of your energy and of your emotions to the external world.
That light is totally different from control. It is totally different from what results from control, which is this sense of low self-esteem. Next time you fall in love with someone, question this love. Is it really love or are you falling in love with an idea? Are you falling in love with the person because you think that they will make you feel better, or because when you are with them, your loneliness and your sense of boredom will perhaps disappear?
If it comes from that space, then sexuality doesn"t actually happen. What you"re doing is doing what people have done throughout the ages and that is wasting physical energy. What is physical energy? It is your life-force. When you do this, you make yourself older, not just physically but energetically. You make yourself depleted and you lose hope because you fall in love, it doesn"t work out and then you fall in love again and it doesn"t work out again, and then you think, “Maybe it"s not for me. Maybe there isn"t anyone out there who fits the criteria”. This is how you create the sense of control around you that prevents deep sexuality.
Deep sexuality is sharing from the most intimate space. This is when you have sexuality that I believe is worth practising. I usually say that sexuality is a waste of time, and it is a waste of time. It is interesting, but in the end it is a waste a time unless it carries something more with it.
You have the freedom to choose that extra sense into the relationship, but you have to be conscious. Every time you enter a relationship you have to ask yourself, “What is actually going on?”. You have to do that in all aspects of your life if you"re on the spiritual path anyway, it"s not just with relationships. You would be advised to do that with changing a job and with being in a relationship to colleagues at work for example, but it is even more important in an intimate relationship because what you touch are some of the most powerful energies that exist in this human dimension of experience. If you waste them, it depletes life force but if you work with them in a harmonious way, just as Jesus and his girlfriend were doing, then what you do is create a memory. You create real love that lasts for thousands of years.
Then we have the real story that is hidden behind the dogmas. If you look a little bit deeper into the parables of what was being communicated by Jesus and by some of his disciples, you will see that a lot of what was said is that we are not meant to be alone. We are not meant to sit on a mountain and meditate in a cave, alone, somewhere separate from the intimacy of being real. We are meant to be as real as is humanly possible and this is made possible by being in relationship with someone.
In a relationship there is no hiding from the space that your partner reflects back to you, especially if you both create a strong intention to be conscious in the relationship. When you do that, even if you take a few wrong steps, that consciousness leads you back to this meditation and to this space where the heart becomes so open that there is no place to hide. What you see is your own truth, the truth that is reflected in that beautiful moment of sharing by being totally intimate, by totally being who you are.
In that beautiful moment, you can hear wisdom and when you do that, the beauty of this moment is reflected into other actions. The relationship then becomes your reference point rather than the external references of paranoia and destructive forces that we have and that society hobbles onto. The internal reference - the beautiful moment - guides you as to how to touch other people in your relationship to them and it guides you not only towards touching other people, but every other aspect of life as well.
When you do this, life becomes full. It becomes complete.
I think that this is a much more interesting way to live than to simply watch the news and complain about what is happening in the world, focussing on the little things. So many intelligent people do this and it is such a waste of time. Use your energy and use your intelligence. Do not to be disillusioned or misguided by the externals. Come back to what is real inside of yourself.
Author Bio :
With the guidance of Tony Samara, discover a path of profound transformation, evolution of consciousness and inner peace. This path is open to all people from all walks of life who seek Health, Happiness and Inner Wisdom. http://www.TonySamara.org, http://www.TonySamara.TV
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