Esoteric Library - About Love - Problematic Paradigms and True Love
Esoteric Library Articles

Category : Psychology

About Love - Problematic Paradigms and True Love

{written by : Greg Gourdian}

Article word count : 2219 -- Article Id : 3044

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Our paradigms regarding love may be broken. How else do we explain so many broken marriages, except to suspect something is rotten at the roots of what we choose to believe about love? With so many different people all suffering, we must consider whether our cultural paradigms may be responsible.

Our paradigms regarding love may be broken. How else do we explain so many broken marriages, except to suspect something is rotten at the roots of what we choose to believe about love? With so many different people all suffering, we must consider whether our cultural paradigms may be responsible.

Our cultural paradigms are the sources of our root belief systems, beliefs that support all of the choices we make in life. Without our cultural paradigms, we may as well be blind. Our cultural paradigms provide contexts that help us to understand who we are and how our lives work.

When our cultural paradigms are in conflict with our own best interests we may typically hurt ourselves by following imperatives derived from our cultural paradigms.

For example, we may choose to believe that love means never having to say we are sorry.

The context in which this paradigm about love may be conventionally understood can be distorted to justify abusing our partners. If we never have to say we are sorry, that does not mean we shouldn’t sometimes say we are sorry. However, some people prefer to refuse to say they are sorry about anything because they want no part of feeling guilty for hurting their partners, even when they routinely abuse their partners.

Consequently, they choose to abuse this paradigm to justify not apologizing to the partners they choose to abuse.

And, oddly enough, many people go for this. Many people accept the abuse of the people they love, with no apologies required, or even expected.

What other paradigms may set people up for problems?

Serious problems appear to arise from many different paradigms. Sometimes the paradigms themselves may be at fault, such as the paradigms that tell people that they own the person they love.

We may prefer to deny that we regard our partners as property, but many social customs and institutions still support an attitude of ownership, such as marriage.

This attitude of ownership is already a prevalent attitude in our children by the time they have reached middle-school ages.

Responding to the question of whether a girl is obligated to ‘put out’ if a boy pays for a date, a majority of seventh grade respondents, both boys and girls, replied yes.

To their credit, fewer girls than boys responded yes. However, even among girls, the prevalent belief was that they ‘owed’ a boy sexual favors for taking them on a date.

Clearly, our current cultural paradigms can sometimes play very damaging roles in our love relationships, both directly, and indirectly.

Since all of our behavior is derivative of our beliefs, our cultural paradigms about love can lead us into behavior that damages our relationships, including damaging our abilities to start new relationships.

All people must choose to believe in something. If we did not believe that the floor would be under our feet when we get out of bed we might be afraid to get out of bed.

Similarly, when we are afraid that we may never find our true loves, we may become afraid to even try to look for them.

‘True Love’ is another potentially damaging cultural paradigm. Many people learn to use a belief in true love to their own disadvantage. Some people fail to find the right partner in life because they have an ideal regarding their potential true love that no one, not even themselves, can ever really live up to.

Some people fail to find their true love because the person simply does not exist the way they imagine them to be in their own minds.

Other people mistakenly insist upon believing someone is their true love, in spite of the other person denying this.

It is very easy to mistakenly believe someone is our one true love because our cultural paradigms set us up to look for our true love in such a way that our search is very likely to fail. After awhile, we may learn to trick ourselves into finding our one true love in inappropriate people because we become desperate to find our one true love at any cost.

Our true love paradigms set us up to fail.

As it happens, this sort of failure can be absolutely great, if our purpose for setting people up to fail to find their true loves easily is to keep them from getting pregnant until after they are married.

In the old world, this manner of setting people up so that their own ideals prevent them from finding true love seemed to work well to delay young adults from getting too serious in a relationship too quickly.

However, the old world relied upon limited opportunities to meet anyone who might be regarded as a true love. In our modern world, we have access to many more people, our opportunities to find true love might, therefore, be expected to dramatically improve.

However, our cultural paradigms underlying our current concepts of true love did not evolve to help people find their true loves; they evolved to delay people from finding their true loves until they became more responsible, more mature adults.

Consequently, most young people who believe in true love choose to believe in cultural paradigms that have actually been designed to frustrate them.

Cultural paradigms always serve the general population at the expense of individuals. That is just the way they work. If our cultural paradigms do not put the common welfare of our societies ahead of the best interests of individuals, our cultural paradigms will fail, because any society that places the individual in a superior role to society as a whole risks lawlessness and dissolution.

Due to rising population pressures, our societies have had to evolve ways of delaying the onset of pregnancies to artificially reduce the amount of time a fertile couple will be able to produce children.

The concept of True Love evolved to help delay the onset of social maturity required to become sexually active in a responsible manner.

Unfortunately, this paradigm came into conflict with another powerful paradigm, the right of the church and state to make more slaves for themselves by encouraging people to have more babies. Soldiers and parishioners are both required for our churches and states to profit.

Poverty motivates people to be soldiers, and poverty means having less money for anything that might distract us from the business of procreation. Consequently, poverty is a tool exploited by both the church and state to make more tithing fathers and more soldiers for cannon fodder. No one likes poverty, but our institutions thrive upon it.

Our newer paradigms about true love, paradigms designed to delay our production of babies must compete with much older paradigms that still encourage many people to have more children.

The only ways the new paradigms could survive were if they captured the hearts and minds of the people they infected. Consequently, the new paradigms about true love were designed to appeal to people’s fantasies and to encourage their fantasies in ways that are unrealistic and set them up to fail if they ever try to follow the superficial imperatives of their new cultural paradigms to find their true loves.

No one is really meant to find their true love, at least, not when they are young. The cultural paradigms about true love are therefore are set up to frustrate anyone who buys into them.

This does not mean you cannot find true love. It only means that the ways your cultural paradigms have programmed you to look for true love have been set up to frustrate you.

As you mature, either you learn to think for yourself and then you find true love, or you fail to learn to think for yourself, and then you never find true love.

Finding true love is not about finding another person.

Once you find genuine, unconditional love for yourself and all other people, finding another person, a person you may come to regard as you true love, becomes easy.

However, until you can learn to love yourself 100% unconditionally, you are not prepared to allow anyone to love you, no matter how much you may want to be loved by them.

No matter how much another person genuinely loves you, if you do not whole-heartedly love yourself, then you can never trust their love for you.

Lacking trust, you will feel it is necessary to test the love of your partner, and all testing damages relationships, always.

Never mind that many magazines all suggest ways to test your partner’s love, testing your partner’s love is always unhealthy.

It is only necessary to test love when you fail to love yourself well.

Testing the love of your partner can never fix what is wrong in yourself that makes you feel you must test your partner’s love.

However, magazines that sold you real solutions to your love problems would put themselves out of business. If we all knew how to avoid the kinds of traps that ruin our love relationships, we would not need such magazines.

So those magazines really motivate you to disable your relationships, and then blame anything other than yourself or your magazines for the problems created by the magazines to help make you better customers for their bad advice.

People who perceive themselves as having problems will spend a lot more money trying to fix their problems than will people who are happy and content with their lives.

So in order to make profits, advertisers do their best to undermine people’s sense of security and wellbeing, including undermining their relationships, because they can make better customers out of us by making us believe we have a problem that only they can help us with.

Most psychic readers are in business to make money. Most psychic readers have a vested interest in managing your life for you so that you constantly have problems that you need to come to them for help with.

Most psychic readers are gifted at seeing where you are setting yourself up to have problems in your life and then exploiting your own predispositions to make problems for yourself to keep you in a state of anxiety that keeps you coming back to them for help.

As a reader, we find we can say the most innocuous things, and our clients will tip their hands to us by responding out of all proportion, or by misunderstanding what we say in ways that show us what their predispositions are.

This is one reason we prefer to do ‘cold readings’.

We prefer cold readings because we prefer to limit the amount of feedback our ‘clients’ provide, so that we do not exploit their own words and turn them to our own advantage.

Nonetheless, even without charging any money, it is possible for us to ‘exploit’ our ‘clients’.

While we would not regard using gimmicks such as making our clients unreasonably anxious to keep them coming back as being either moral or ethical, by our own standards, we can still become trapped in the same exploitative paradigm. Without conscious intent, we may still appear to setting our clients up to feel anxious, even in spite of our best efforts to avoid behaving in grossly exploitative, manipulative ways.

We try to warn people that frequent psychic readings are not in their best interests. We try to limit them to one reading every 3 months. We do this because it is very unhealthy for our ‘clients’ to rely on anyone other than themselves to make their decisions.

We understand the traps of human minds, human hearts, and the culture paradigms that have evolved to set people up to be exploited. We would prefer to help de-condition ourselves and all other people from paradigms that are causing us all to hurt ourselves.

Among some of the worst paradigms that do the most damage to our lives are the paradigms underlying what we all believe we know about love.

Love does not have to hurt. Love does not have to wound. However, the ways we all become culturally conditioned to think about our love and our pain tend to predispose us all to make ourselves more miserable when it comes to love.

Love heals. Love Nurtures. Love is the root of compassion. Love is the object of respect. All good things in life come from how well we love ourselves and other people.

All profits in business come from how we can market the good things in life.

In order to make a marketplace out of love, our love must first be crippled.

Consequently, our oldest cultural paradigms about love are all flawed to make us weaker, less happy, less secure, in our relationships, to exploit us for the rewards of our labors by hurting us where we will feel it most deeply, in our hearts.

We can learn how to overcome this frightening flaw in the grand designs of our beliefs about love, beliefs that drive us all to harm ourselves and to harm our love relationships.

By learning how our hearts and minds are manipulated and controlled to set us up to ruin our own love relationships for the benefit of our societies and for the profits of our corporations we can learn to mend our problematic paradigms and find true love.


Author Bio :
Greg Gourdian is part of a collective being, we are composed of many entities participating in a psychic network. We currently call ourselves Grigori Rho Gharveyn. Please feel free to contact us at any time. We love to write and teach about spiritual evolution, ascension, auras, chakras, alchemy, tarot, channeling, metaphysics, parapsychology, sociology, psychology, quantum physics, etc... For our most recent work please see our current blog: MySpace Blog For older work please look here: Google Blog

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